The Silver Rule

I tend to think that everyone is a lot like me. People think the same way I do, feel the same way I do, and experience the world around them the same way I do. But it's not true. And I'm finding that maybe the golden rule isn't so golden. It's not a bad rule by any means, but maybe it's more of a silver or bronze rule than a golden one. Rather than treating people the way I want to be treated, perhaps I should I consider how they want to be treated.

I've been really obsessed with the Myers Briggs personality indicator over the past several months. In my dream world I would be able to have a conversation with a person and peg their 4 letters. Actually, that happened recently. But only once, and my excitement about was far beyond reasonable.

I'm the ENFJ poster child. If you ever want to understand me, read this: http://www.personalitypage.com/ENFJ.html

There are a few reasons I think I love reading about my Myers Briggs so much. Self-absorption is part of it. Everyone likes to talk about him/herself, but even more, everyone likes to hear someone else talk about them. Secondly, Myers Briggs has managed to reconcile the seemingly contradictory parts of my personality. I'm free-spirited, but I have a list for nearly everything. I make major life decisions on a hunch but I also make my bed every morning. I get stressed out if I can't find a specific pen for my journal, but I'm almost always up for a spontaneous, middle-of-the-night road trip. Somehow Myers Briggs has solved my mutant personality with a four-part letter combination.

I don't think it has to be all selfish though. In fact, in many ways, I think that learning more about who I am has ushered me into being more respectful and appreciate of who others are.

Knowing that I am an F (feeler), I can see the T (thinker) in others and appreciate it. These people aren't insensitive; they just don't make their decisions in the same manner I do. In fact, I find that I'm very much drawn to thinkers, because they offer a different (and often deeper) perspective than my natural inclination. Sometimes I wish I was a T, but then my F kicks in and I'm glad that I'm not.

Similarly, realizing my extreme E (extrovert), I can value the I (introvert) of other people. I get depressed if I spend too much time alone, but for others, they can only spend so much time around people before they need a break. In light of this realization, I'm more inclined to respect other people's needs and also not get upset if I spend a Friday night on my own.

Myers Brigg has also pointed out several of my flaws. When I see them and try to fix them, I trust that the people around me benefit too... at least I hope that's the case.

So all this to say, I'm not convinced of the alleged "golden" rule. Instead, I'm trying to figure out how others want to be treated, even if it's completely different from the way I would want to be treated. It's tough, but then I imagine if we were all ENFJs... we'd have fun for a few minutes, but then we'd all drive each other nuts.


Here's a link to a free Myers Briggs test: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp